Toe Poke Daily: Tottenham 2-7 Bayern isn't the biggest Champions League defeat ever, or even the most goals
The Toe Poke Daily is here every day to bring you all the weirdest stories, quirkiest viral content and top trolling that the internet has to offer, all in one place.
Bayern Munich's ruthless 7-2 devastation of Tottenham in the Champions League group stage on Tuesday night is certainly right up there in the UEFA annals -- Arsenal fans, don't get too cocky about it as your team didn't do much better -- but it's not the biggest single-match win in tournament history.
No, barring the preliminary rounds of the competition, the biggest margin of victory ever amassed in the Champions League is 8-0, while the most goals scored in one match is 12 -- Borussia Dortmund 8-4 Legia Warsaw in 2016.
Real Madrid were the first to administer an octo-drubbing when they netted eight unanswered goals against Sevilla at the Bernabeu in the 1957-58 European Cup quarterfinals, but seeing as modern football has the Champions League starting in 1992-93, here are the top scoring games to date from the competition in its new format.
7-0 - Juventus vs. Olympiakos -- Dec. 10, 2003
7-0 - Arsenal vs. Slavia Prague -- Oct. 23, 2007
0-7 - MSK Zilina vs. Marseille -- Nov. 3, 2010
7-0 - Valencia vs. KRC Genk -- Nov. 23, 2011
0-7 - BATE Borisov vs. Shakhtar Donetsk -- Oct, 21, 2014
7-0 - Barcelona vs. Celtic -- Sept. 13, 2016
0-7 - NK Maribor vs. Liverpool -- Oct. 17, 2017
7-0 - Liverpool vs. Spartak Moscow -- Dec. 6, 2017
7-0 - Manchester City vs. Schalke -- March 12, 2019
Serge Gnabry gets 10/10
If you score four goals, you expect to be given a perfect 10 for your performance but it doesn't come that easily for French paper L'Equipe.
The publication is notoriously stingy for giving 10/10 in its player ratings and has only done so 11 times previously in history -- twice to Lionel Messi.
In fact, here is the full list:
Lucas Moura - Spurs vs Ajax, 2019
Dusan Tadic - Ajax vs Real Madrid, 2019
Neymar - PSG vs Dijon, 2018
Carlos Eduardo - Nice vs Guingamp, 2014
Robert Lewandowski - Borussia Dortmund vs Real Madrid, 2013
Lionel Messi - Barcelona vs Bayer Leverkusen, 2012
Lionel Messi - Barcelona vs Arsenal, 2010
Lars Windfeld - Aarhus vs Nantes, 1997
Oleg Salenko - Russia vs Cameroon, 1994
Franck Sauzee - France U21s vs Greece U21s, 1988
Bruno Martini - France U21s vs Greece U21s, 1988
However, after Serge Gnabry's four goals for Bayern in the 7-2 win over Tottenham, you can make that 12.
Gnabry, a former Arsenal player, was delighted with the win over his former club's rivals and used an old favourite to refer to the "red" of Bayern taking over London.
North London is RED!!! pic.twitter.com/1Te5YjqpWo— Serge Gnabry (@SergeGnabry) October 1, 2019
Arsenal were looking for a winger in the summer ... just saying.
Two goals, two tattoos
Club Brugge striker Emmanuel Dennis was so certain that he wouldn't be able to breach Real Madrid's defence that he went all out and promised to get a tattoo if he scored at the Bernabeu on Tuesday night.
"This is a dream. A lot of people didn't even think they would come here to play. If I score then I will get a tattoo on my skin," he said during a video posted on Brugge's Youtube channel before kick-off.
It took the Nigerian forward precisely nine minutes to break the deadlock, bumbling a shot past Thibaut Courtois to propel Brugge into a shock early lead.
Dennis then added a second goal shortly before the break, which he marked by mimicking Cristiano Ronaldo's trademark "Si!" celebration.
All Glory To GOD +one point— Emmanuel B Dennis (@dennisblessed42) October 1, 2019
What a dream in Bernabéu
Real eventually restored parity to salvage a 2-2 draw, but that won't prevent Dennis from sticking to his word and keeping up his end of the bargain.
"I guess I will now have to get two tattoos," he told Belgian broadcasters RTL after the game.
That's the rule. Two goals = two tattoos. It's only fair.
Henry, Pires, look away now
It's taken the best part of 15 years, but somebody has finally succeeded where Thierry Henry and Robert Pires failed all those years ago.
Indeed, Shakhtar Donetsk's Under-19 side avoided the embarrassment suffered by the two aforementioned Arsenal legends by successfully dispatching a two-man penalty routine.
Мудрик ➡ Судаков ⚽ Футболисты «Шахтера» U19 разыграли пенальти в матче Юношеской лиги УЕФА с «Аталантой» U19. pic.twitter.com/2DwAmlH9R0— ⚒FC SHAKHTAR DONETSK (@FCShakhtar) October 1, 2019
Henry and Pires made a horrible mess of the same Cruyff-inspired manoeuvre during a game against Manchester City back in 2005.
Nice to see that it's still exactly as awful as we remember it being.